jazmine becket open post.

[littlestbecket]

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[raleighs]

[littlestbecket]

[ mom's sick.

Mom's sick and Jaz doesn't know what the fuck to do, doesn't know how to handle this because the entire goddamn world is going to shit but her mom is sick and dying and that's the only thing that's important right now.

It's selfish, she knows that; there are bigger things at stake and she's just some little unimportant sixteen year old watching a cancer ridden mother slowly die from shitty lungs, from sucking down cancer sticks since she was a teen, and the rest of the world is in a panic and has been for three years but her mom is dying.

That's all that matters; that's all, that's all and she can barely hear the words that Raleigh's saying as he stands in front of her, she isn't really paying attention because Mom's just in the next room and coughing, coughing and spitting and throwing up from the chemo and Raleigh's talking about fucking Rangers--

her thoughts stutter to a stop and her head snaps up, pupils dilating then narrowing into slits with the sudden change of focus. ]

You're leaving? You can't -- you can't leave.

[raleighs]

[It was Yancy's idea. Yancy was the one who crashed into his room late at night, his laptop cradled against one arm and an application open on the screen. What do you think, Rals? Graduation present? Fuck it being a graduation present, they should go right now and Yancy had laughed, slapped him in the back of the head. No, they're waiting until after Raleigh graduates because at least if they're throwing themselves at something that probably won't get them anywhere-- at least he'll have that high school diploma to fall back on.

Thanks Yance, really.

(You're welcome, since you don't have anything else going for you ah haha ha ha

You asshole!)

Mom's sick, yeah and Raleigh doesn't ever want to talk about it because he doesn't want to talk about his mom dying, he just doesn't. So he's talking to Jazmine about trying out for the Jaeger program with Yancy. Because it's cooler, the Jaegers are awesome and what if they actually make it?]

I don't think you understand. We could be pilots.

[littlestbecket]

[ Jazmine is having trouble breathing. Her heart is somewhere in her throat and the panic that flares is threatening to bubble over and take control, make her spit things that she doesn’t mean, never wanted to say. So she takes a breath and tries to steady herself, tries to work it out in her fucking brain.

We could be pilots.

They could be pilots. They could be pilots and Jaz is so goddamn scared of that fact that she wants to throw up.

But she’s stronger than that, she’s made of fucking nails so she scowls at Raleigh, gestures behind her towards their mother’s room – their parents room where Dad’s holed up and Mom can’t leave .]

You can’t leave now, Rals. She’s sick.

[raleighs]

[littlestbecket]

[ She doesn't want to go.

She doesn't want to see them off, she doesn't want to shake their hands and thank them for going into the fucking PPDC. she doesn't want to condone what they're doing, tell them it's okay that they're leaving her to deal with mom - mom who's so close to death, who's hovering on the brink and staring it in the face and smoking anyway, coughing and laughing and just shaking her head because they've killed her anyway, what difference does it make if she keeps on smoking?

(Jazmine can tell you what difference it makes, she can, because it makes a big fucking difference and she can't even watch her mother do it, not when her hairs all fallen out and it's just pathetic tufts hidden under brightly patterned scarves.)

And Dad, ha -- isn't that a joke? He's slowly falling apart at the seams, like he's watching the only part of his life he loves wither away and die and he doesn't even see Jaz, doesn't look at her because she looks way too much like Dominique with her blond hair and almond eyes and that slight hint of green that is a dead giveaway there's Lapierre in her blood.

Hs's falling apart but he's just cognizant enough to recognize his sons are leaving, his boys (and oh, aren't they just fucking great? big boys, golden boys, blue eyed and blond and beautiful and going into the ranger program and they're gonna be PILOTS and aren't they GRAND? -- oh, there's a daughter? that's nice.) are going away and can she please see them off, and bring the car back from the train station?

Fuck him.

Fuck Raleigh and fuck Yancy, too.

Yancy, who pats her on the head and kisses her forehead then goes to check bags and get papers and passports and whatever else while Jaz stands there with a wet umbrella, clutching the plastic handle like it might break, pointedly not looking at the remaining Becket at her side. ]

[raleighs]

[Raleigh's so excited and nervous that he's practically vibrating. They're really going to do it, really going to try and save the world and who are they kidding. It's him and Yance-- the kaiju won't knew what hit them.

The fact that it's raining hasn't dampened his spirits at all. He shed a couple of tears when he hugged Mom goodbye, the tightest hug he dared to give her and she called him her little cabbage for maybe the last time and he told her to put the damn cigarette out already, not kidding mamon, seriously do it or he and Yancy are going to come by in their Jaeger and make her and she just laughed at him and hugged him again.

(And that's part of why he wants to go, why he wants out of the house because he can only have that fight with her so many times before he actually wants to throw something at her, and it's his Mom, he can't do that but he can't stand there and watch her die either, he just can't. There's nothing he can do, that any of them can do and Raleigh's never handled that well)

Yancy goes to drop off their bags and get the tickets and take a piss too probably, they have a few minutes before they have to be anywhere, leaving the two youngest Beckets alone. She's not looking at him, so Raleigh, the shit he is, nudges her with his elbow, harder than is strictly necessary, and smirks at her.]

Come on, tell me you'll miss me.

[littlestbecket]

[ Jaz is freezing. Her teeth are chattering so hard she's afraid that they're going to rattle right out of her head and she hates this, hates Raleigh and Yancy and her father and sometimes her mother but then she feels guilty for that, feels guilty for being mad or upset or frustrated because how can she possibly be mad at someone that is dying?

It's fucked up. It's fucked up because deep down, Jaz is angry.

She grips the umbrella and stands there like a pillar, fucking Lot's wife and doesn't move, just stays still as stone until Raleigh nudges her and she jerks out of it, glares at him, glad it's raining so that any stupid, pissed off tears that might fall can easily be explained away. ]

Fuck you.

[ Of course she's going to miss him, her idol, her frame of reference - the one person who's actions will continue to define her for the next god knows how long.

Jaz herself will eventually become very, very good at abandoning people. ]

this just turned into a comment of gratuitious babies

[raleighs]

[Raleigh would never use his three year old adopted daughter as a figurative (and maybe literal) blood shield. He wouldn't because he loves her way too much to subject her to that harpy he calls a little sister. Kidding! Jazmine's not a harpy but he does dote on Sophia more than is probably healthy. And has, ever since she wandered up to him in that orphanage and attached herself to his side like a koala, when she started screaming bloody murder when he tried to put her down.

He's her sucker. Raleigh wasn't sure what fatherhood would be like because he had a pretty crappy example, because he always assumed that Yancy would tell him because he'd obviously have kids first and that plan went to shit so here he is, stumbling his way through it but he imagines that this is what it's supposed to be like. Where his little girl is his entire world.

Imagine that, Raleigh Becket, hero of the world is a married man with a kid and he loves it.

He hasn't really talked to his sister face to face in years. The last time they met at Yancy's charade of a funeral hardly counts since Raleigh was such a fucking wreck that he didn't even know his own name, much less was he capable of holding a conversation with his sister. It wasn't anything personal that he didn't talk to her after Yancy died either, he didn't really talk to anyone if he didn't have to and pretended at being dead for five years. And before that it was a slew of texts and phonecalls and skyping over Yancy's shoulder like the annoying shit he was back then, conversations that became less and less frequent the longer they were pilots. It sucked but they were busy, you know?

Yeah, he's a dick. He knows. He knows and he's sorry, Jaz, come on, please meet him for coffee, she's an aunt now, you know and he's the worst brother ever but she's family, they're family and maybe he didn't get what that meant at eighteen but he gets it now and it matters, she matters. And he saved the world, so she owes him one conversation. If she really wants nothing to do with him or her niece after, then he'll respect it. He will.

Raleigh gets to the Starbucks first, buys Sophia a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and a tea for himself and they have a table by the window. She's coloring a picture for Mommy, and he's not nervous. He's not, his foot is just bouncing under the table at a million taps a minute because that's how he is.]

BABBIES

[littlestbecket]

[ she doesn't owe him anything and when he tries to pull that line with her she calls him on his bullshit and barks right back at him like fucking hell I do but the draw of the little girl is what gets her in the end and she says fine, whatever, she'll meet him at a goddamn starbucks and do this because she has to.

Feels like she has to. Maybe feels like she owes it to her mom because she knows that Mom would've hated her two remaining children to hate each other the rest of their lives.

(Maybe she'd be disappointed in Jaz, she wouldn't doubt it, you know better, un petit pois, my little pea, what were you thinking?)

She'd probably sing praises to Raleigh's name because he'd done something worth attention, worth a round of applause while Jazmine ended up a dropout then homeless then a stripper then a tattoo artist.

He's already there when Jaz shows up; she's got blue jeans on, white button down - she looks nice, smart. Hard to tell that under those clothes are fucking dragons and God knows what else.

Raleigh can wait while Jaz orders and she doesn't even look at him at first, just goes and gets her caramel macchiato first then comes over, hands gripping the cup a little too tightly, lips pressed in a line. ]

[raleighs]

[Hey, dragon tattoos are cool. Surprising on his little sister and please don't ever say the word stripper around him because he might gag but hey. At least it's not kaiju, right?

Raleigh knows it's her when she comes in, but is okay with letting her come over at her own pace, it's only fair, he ordered already too but try saying no to his kid because he still hasn't managed it. Maybe Jazmine can tattoo sucker on his forehead and then it will be official.]

Hey. [He doesn't know if he should stand and like, try to hug her, or just offer her a chair or what, so he settles on daring to give her a soft smile before he nudges the little girl next to him.]

So this is Sophia. [It's pretty obvious she's adopted, she doesn't look anything like him and Mako, strawberry blonde hair, differently shaped eyes. But Jaeger pilots can't always have their own kids.] Say hi to your aunt.

[Hi!]

[regroup]

tell me if you can work with this.....idk skdfj i suck hard at starters

[littlestbecket]

[ In amidst the memories of Jaz's past that are the amalgamation of yancyandraleigh and raleighandyancy there were sometimes - rarely - memories of just her and her big brother. Happy ones thats mostly slipped through the cracks when they got older and older, but they are there, buried deep down beneath hurt and guilt and anger and pain.

Yancy has a good five years on Raleigh but Jaz and Rals, they're only a year and a half apart and for one glorious summer Yancy thought he was too cool for Raleigh and so Raleigh turned his attention to Jaz and they were inseparable. They told each other stories, camped out in the backyard and named the stars, ate ice cream and picked flowers and threw each other into the creek that ran through the woods by the house.

They wrestled and sometimes Raleigh was a little rough because he was used to Yancy but Jaz is pretty fucking tough and just punched him in the arm in return.

They went to the park and Mom bought them ice creams and hers fell and she almost cried but Raleigh got there first, gave her a scoop of his and it was better, all better.

They were friends, for a whole summer.

Then Yancy decided Raleigh was cool again and Jaz was left with nothing but a couple withered flowers, some silly star names, and a hole in her heart.

In the end, she wondered if it wouldn't have been better for Raleigh to just have left her completely alone, because the loneliness she feels now is so much worse than before.

Now, she's older, they're both older and things are stranger between them but Jaz never forgot that summer. ]

oh 'dis is perf!!

[regroup]

[ it'd been a good summer, that one. sure, the first week had been a bumpy mess of sadness and rejection — it'd been the first time ever, in his nine years of life, that yancy'd had better things to do than hang out with him, and had left him. it'd hurt something awful, and for six whole days raleigh had wallowed before remembering he had another sibling. and sure, it wasn't another cool, worldly older brother, but jaz was pretty solidly on their heels most of the time. and if she always wanted to play with her brothers, then what was the harm in finally letting that happen?

it'd started at breakfast. yancy had eaten like a demon and rushed out the door, where as raleigh had inhaled his food so he could get up and start packing them sandwiches and little bags of goldfish. put on your shoes, i'm going to show you the best climbing tree. which he had, and which she'd nearly fallen out of, but raleigh'd gotten a hand in the back of her shirt before anything disastrous could happen. he'd laughed at her on the way back home, but had pet her hair and promised that they would do something else tomorrow instead.

their mother thinks it's the darling-est thing, some long overdue sibling bonding, and takes every chance to encourage their adventures. she signs them up for a week of soccer camp together, digs out a tent when they want to camp in the back yard, stands (warily) on the beach while they attempt to row. she takes them to the store with her, because she doesn't feel like children under ten should be left home alone, and to the movies, and to the beach. she even buys them double scoops ice cream, and when jaz's splats on the sandy ground — call it big brother instincts — he's right at her side, poking the vanilla scoop from his cone to her cone. don't cry, okay? i like chocolate better anyway.

it'd been a great summer. one he should have remembered forever, but forgot immediately the second that september reared it's head and yancy remembered he existed. it'd been almost like nothing changed, and as cruel as it is, he shakes of his little sister again with ease.

two years have passed since, and it's summer again. yancy's sixteen, and for his last birthday, their mother and father had sprung for an old car. it was rusty and the radio would only play if it was being held in place, but it was a car, and they're going to go to valdez and back. raleigh's in the kitchen, piling juice boxes and soda cans into the family cooler, and piling potato chips into a brown paper grocery bag when jaz comes down. he starts, at first, but then smiles. ]

Hi, Jazzle-Dazzle. You're up kinda early.

[raleighs]

[littlestbecket]

[ Jaz feels like she's drowning under the full weight of the Pacific ocean.

She's sitting on the toilet in the bathroom, mouth tasting like vomit and stale coffee, hands shaking as she rips plastic packaging, tearing into the plastic wrap like it was personally responsible for her predicament.

Morning sickness. Bloating, feeling weird and crampy and hormonal -- it's been going on too long and she's delayed doing this because deep down?

She already knew. Jaz is already completely sure about what the verdict will be, and she's been putting it off because not facing it is obviously the thing to do in this situation, isn't it?

Clearly.

Fifteen minutes later she's staring at two happy pink lines, validating her worst fear.

She throws up again, but not because she's nauseated.

It's after they left, after Mom died and Jaz has been picking up the pieces with shaking hands and unseeing eyes. They're going to leave again - after the funeral, they've gotta go back to training because that's more important than making sure your baby sister is okay, isn't it? That's what Mom would've wanted, Raleigh keeps telling her, that she'd be so proud of her boys because they're gonna make a difference and everything will be just fine, don't worry Jaz.

Yeah, because everything is gonna be just fucking fine, isn't it? She's knocked up and barely seventeen and life is literally crumbling down around her.

Jaz would've argued but it's futile and she's too busy fighting down the nausea that's been hitting in the morning to really argue with him, anyway.

Except she can't keep it down. She's standing there and just fucking looking at him and she turns on her heel and flees to the bathroom, slamming the door and heaving her guts out again.

Fuck. ]

[raleighs]

[It's been a shitty time for all of them, really. To get that call in the middle of the night, that Mom had finally passed on and to go ask Pentecost for the leave to attend her funeral and to come back to a pretty empty house-- it's more than Raleigh thinks he can handle sometimes. And Yancy, fuck what would he do without Yancy, because his brother just pulls him in for a hug sometimes and puts up with Raleigh crawling into his bed every night and wrapping himself around him like a koala, doesn't say anything if Raleigh gets his shirt wet with tears either.

He knows that Jaz has been having a pretty rough time and he has no idea what to do with her. Raleigh's also pretty sure she's got like food poisoning or the stomach flu too, because don't think he hasn't noticed how she's been throwing up all week, and what a shitty time for that too.

Or you know, actually she's pregnant. The way Raleigh's staring at her, dumbfounded and shocked, before she runs back to the bathroom, you'd think that he was the father. Only not because that's disgusting but-- what?

She's too young to be having sex, first of all. And also he needs to go find Yancy because holy shit what do. Well, maybe he could see if she needs something first.]

Jaz. [Raleigh knocks on the bathroom door softly.] If you don't say anything in ten seconds, I'm coming in.

[jockeying]

( for someone who faced down 8,700 metric tons of intergalactic space evil by herself once, it's exceptionally hard to actually pick up the phone and dial the number that's been neatly printed on a piece of paper alongside her address, birthdate (raleigh likes to believe she wouldn't forget it, but she was a few days off), and various other bits of official information that raleigh doesn't care about. it's not her sisters height or eye color that's throwing her off, but the phone number that's got her stomach in knots.

in the end, mako, who had so neatly complied this research, has to dial for her — it is good to reconnect with your sister, raleigh; she might know you are not dead, but she might want to hear it from you, yourself — and then leave the room so raleigh can stew in her anxiety for six automated rings before...

she gets the voicemail.

and pussies out, slamming the end call button before she can actually open her mouth and say anything. the youngest and middle, but now oldest becket did not have a very good track record of pleasant conversations; they always seemed to leave raw, open wounds, and who knows, maybe after more than five years, jaz was good and didn't want that anymore. raleigh could do without, yeah, totally.

but mako finds out and glares. and next time, raleigh dials for herself. she also learns that if she refuses to psyche herself up, it's easier and there's less outright dread. her hand doesn't shake, just sort of drums kind of nervously against her thigh. ]

[littlestbecket]

[ The first time the phone rings with an unfamiliar number, Jaz just lets it go. It's not the first time people have called her trying to find shit out about Jaz herself, her sister, Mako. Jaz has no fucking information for them, she hasn't spoken to Raleigh in years and so anyone that calls her phone that isn't already programmed in won't get answered anyway.

But then it rings again, later, and it's the same number and it's weird because Jaz's number is private now and she shouldn't be getting that kind of call anymore so she lets it go a few more times before cautiously picking it up, tone guarded, wary, and already defensive. ]

Yeah?

invades your life with prompts again i'm so sorry

[kaijushit]

never be sorry also fudging timelines i think w/e deal with it

[littlestbecket]

[ She met him the one time she was visiting her brothers in the Shatterdome; one of those tours where the families were allowed to come visit and see specific parts of the 'Dome that wouldn't 'compromise' anything that they had going on. Jaz hadn't really wanted to go but in the end, curiosity got the best of her and she'd gone and done it anyway, just to see what the inside looked like.

There'd been some other trainees there too, cadets that hadn't quite made it into the rankings of Rangers yet and she'd caught eyes with one, noted how angry he was, how fucking fierce he seemed, how passionate he was about what he was doing here. It was all right there in his eyes, in the expression on his face, in the set lines of his jaw and the way muscles clenched when the Becket brothers walked by with their little sister.

She drops back and away, catches up with the guy, finds out his name and age - Chuck Hansen and he's three years younger than her but somehow he feels so much fucking older. It's hours before the Becket brothers notice Jaz isn't part of the tour group anymore and it's hours more until they find her on top of the Shatterdome with that cadet, sitting cross legged and listening to him spout stories of Shatterdome life and training and whatever else. Eventually she shuts him up with her mouth, silencing him mid-sentence with lips and teeth and tongue.

He's a little clumsy with it, maybe it's his first kiss, she can't really say, but it's earnest and he learns fast if that's the case, hands tangling in her hair and tongue eagerly exploring and mapping out the inside of her mouth.

It's a good way to shut someone up, she thinks.

She's not really impressed with Jaeger pilots because of her brothers, but there's something about the guy himself she's drawn to, something about what defines Chuck Hansen as a person, not his pilot status - or current lack thereof.

Jaz gives him her number before her brothers get her down, scolding her the whole way and she grins at him, tips her head and sort of gives him a little salute, thumb and pink extended, the words call me mouthed back at him.

When she's back home and alone, she thinks back on that afternoon, on Chuck's voice, on their single stolen kiss.

Maybe he'll call. Maybe he'll text. Maybe he'll throw the number away, she's not sure. ]

[kaijushit]

[kaijushit]

[breachborn]

[ This is all Mako's fault.

Completely and utterly her fault.

Raleigh doesn't want to make the call. She doesn't want to dial the number that is suppose to be her younger sister's cell phone. It had been five fucking years. Jaz hated her. It hadn't always been like that but she had been pissed at both her and Yancy for becoming Rangers. Stopped taking their calls, answering emails, everything.

She didn't know why Jaz would answer her call now.

The rift was there and it was going to stay there. It was too big to cross.

But she could practically hear Yancy's voice telling her to stop being a wuss and just try. This is their little sister. Her only family left.

She dials in a angry rush and then completely deflates as she gets the voicemail, stomach dropping. She blanks at first before forcing her voice out.

H-hey, Jaz. It's--it's Raleigh.

I...

She pauses, mouth open, nothing coming out. She can't do it. Fuck. Fuck.

I... fuck.

And she hangs up, throwing the phone across the room (somehow it manages to survive the landing) before she's thudding her ass on the floor and and curling up so her forehead presses against her knees. Goddammit. ]

[littlestbecket]

[ Jaz doesn't answer the call now - not because she doesn't want to, but because she doesn't recognize the number and she happens to be working. Normal people do that, you know. Those who aren't famous jaeger pilots and too busy saving the world to hold down a job to pay bills, eat food that isn't from a shitty ration card, and have a roof over their head.

Jaz has busted her ass to get where she is and she doesn't pause to take something like a phone call -- not when she's in the middle of working on a client.

She's a tattoo artist, owns the building and does pretty well for herself and doesn't have a lot of time for bullshit. When she checks the message later she's annoyed until she hears Raleigh's voice and that's when she drops the phone, nearly shattering her iPhone screen.

What the fuck. After all this time, now she wants to call? Now she wants to reconnect? Now she wants to try again?

Jaz has a mind not to call the number back - it's an out of the country number, Jaz doesn't have the kind of money to spend on minutes, but in the end she phones back because the curiosity gets the best of her. ]