theshatterdome | with the hounds of hell coming after you i've got blood on my name

So you go out and risk your life and you don't even know why you're doing it.

[ Raleigh has a headache. ]

I don't even know what to think. I feel...fuck, I don't know -- I feel lied to, man.

It's just...a habit now. I did it for so long, it's just part of me, I guess.

[he shakes his head, taking a long sip of his coffee.]

I get that. I guess I...sort of did lie to you; I never thought of it like that, though. I just wanted to keep you out of this.

I get that.

[ Hrgh. Why is it hard to stay pissed off at Roy?

Raleigh drags his hands through his hand and heaves one of those full body sighs. ]

Kinda sucks, you know? I mean, makes me feel kinda shitty.

[he nods without hesitation.]

No, I know. And I'm so sorry I didn't come clean about this, I know I should've. I just really-- didn't know how I was supposed to tell you about it. How're you supposed to tell your boyfriend that you go gallivanting around at night in a mask with a bow?

[he chuckles dryly, taking another sip of coffee.]

Well--

[ He idly rubs the back of his neck. ]

I'd say you start with a cup of coffee in the middle of the night when he can't sleep.

Sans, you know -- the confrontation.

Coffee, check. [he chuckles quietly, pushing his hair back out of his face.]

Less confrontation, check. [he sips at the coffee with a soft smile.]

So...what do you want to know?

[ He smiles -- it's a little strained, but it's there. ]

I guess start at the beginning.

Well...the beginning's kind of convoluted, I guess.

[he chuckles, gently rolling his palms over the sides of his mug.]

I grew up in Arizona, which...you knew already, but I lived on a Navajo reservation there. My mom was from the tribe, and my dad was, well, obviously not. [he reaches up to tug at his flaming red hair. he'd never really been accepted because of it; he was an outsider, always.]

They both died when I was really young, and this guy, Raymond, he took me in. Taught me everything, but he, uh...he was getting pretty old and he had lung cancer, so he wasn't going to be sticking around too long after I was about thirteen.

I was, wow, kind of a shitty kid. I learned how to do what I needed to pretty on, how to make extra money the not-so-legal way [by actually making hacks for ATMs.]. Raymond tried to give me other shit to keep me busy, like...like the archery. It was great, actually, because man, I wasn't the best student, never stood out at anything, but I wanted to do that, I wanted to be the best with a bow.

So...there's this guy, Oliver Queen. Lotta money, big-shot kinda guy, owns Q-Corp and all that jazz, and he's the one who kind of took me in after I kept getting myself into trouble. He liked what I could do, technology-wise and with a bow, so with Raymond doing worse and worse, he gave me a place to stay -- he gave me purpose and...and direction. [there's a painful little smile on roy's lips, his fingers curled tighter around his mug.]

You know, he wanted me to shoot a hawk, dude. Told him I wouldn't, and he almost kinda left me there over it -- Ollie, uh, doesn't like hearing no very much. [oliver queen is a spoiled rich kid; "no" has never been an acceptable answer to him.]

So I shot a tail feather off instead. [while in flight.

he shot. the feather. off of a hawk. in flight.]

[ Raleigh wraps a hand around his mug and listens carefully, idly rubbing his thumb over his lower lip in thought.

Right -- the Arizona part he knew, but the rest..

Well. He's actually kind of surprised at what he didn't know about Roy. It's kind of...well.

It kind of sucks, really, because it makes Raleigh feel like Roy didn't want him to know anything about him and it kind of makes Raleigh feel like he doesn't know jack shit about the person he loves. ]

Jesus. In flight? [ He rubs a hand over his face. ]

Impressive.

[ He makes a gesture though - continue. ]

Edited 2014-03-10 22:40 (UTC)

[roy just nods, because yeah, that was one of his shining moments with ollie. one of the few.]

It was kind of great, actually. I mean, at first. Ollie was like...like this fun big brother who wanted to take care of me, and he gave me everything I needed to develop weapons, communication tech, gear-- all of it. I grew a lot during that time with Ollie, learned a lot too, and at first, he kind of...

[he sighs, shaking his head.]

He's Oliver. At first, he didn't want me in the field, didn't want to let me go out and help, but I was determined, and I knew I could handle myself. And I did pretty well, if you ask me. But Ollie's Ollie and he has the attention span of a gnat -- for work, food, and...people.

[he frowns at his coffee, not quite looking up yet.]

He just had to go off on this stupid crosscountry trip with his friend, and he left me. By myself. I was a fucking kid, and he just figured I'd be fine on my own, and I was. Had to be.

I had other friends who were doing this whole...vigilante thing, and I worked with them and their team for a while, but...it was hard. I met these guys, played in a band with them -- because I, uh, I play the drums, by the way -- and they were...into a lot of shit. I drew the line with some of it, but the drinking...the drinking I could go for.

I was drunk a lot those days, and the team wanted nothing to do with me, not that I could blame them, and when Ollie got back and found out...

[give him a second, raleigh, he's never told anyone else about this before.]

[ He can take all the time he needs. Raleigh isn't budging from this chair unless it's to drag his a few inches closer to Roy's.

Which he does, then settles back down, resting an arm on the table.

He doesn't verbally interrupt, though there's a few questions he wants to ask. ]

[roy just breathes for a while, before he's ready to continue.]

So...Ollie came back and I was just totally fucked up, out of it and just...he was furious. Socked me right in the jaw, broke a plate...kicked me the hell out.

[he chuckles dryly.]

Disowned me, took everything I had, and just...that was fucking it, he was done with me.

Things got...a lot worse after that. I was just drinking and drinking and picking fights and getting my ass handed to me constantly, but that was what I wanted. I wanted someone to beat me until I couldn't get back up.

I wanted to just be done.

[he'd wanted to die, and he'd been pretty close to provoking someone into it.]

And there was this...this one guy who realized what I was trying to do, and I was pretty much hamburger meat when he was done, and he could've finished me off easy-- but he stopped before he actually did kill me.

But...he pulled me out of that shit, made me stop drinking, and I started doing better, y'know? I started doing freelance work for money, traveling around, keeping up the vigilante thing and ignoring Oliver.

Like fuck I want anything to do with him these days. [he takes a shaky sip from his coffee, just...staring at the table.]

Edited 2014-03-10 23:07 (UTC)

[ At some point Raleigh's palm finds its way to Roy's back, his hand a gentle presence as Roy talks and Raleigh listens.

There's a lot he wants to say but he's never been good at articulating things; he speaks best in shorter sentences, concise and to the point. When he was younger, he was far more eager, happy to yammer in Yancy's ear but after Knifehead came along...

Raleigh clammed up, closed himself off to people and communicating and now he's cursing himself for that move because he has things he wants to say, he just doesn't know how to say them without coming off as trite or somehow cheapening Roy's experiences. ]

I don't want you having anything to do with him either.

[ Aaaand that's what comes out, and Raleigh could kick himself. Seriously? That's the best he's got? ]

[the hand on his back is actually pretty soothing, and roy finishes and just looks at raleigh, a soft chuckle slipping from him.]

Glad we agree. [he sighs, rubbing a hand over his eyes.]

So...yeah, that's me. That's my life story, pretty much. Sorry I didn't share earlier.

It's not like I've told you mine.

[ Raleigh lifts a shoulder into a little shrug, and edges closer so he can slide his arms around Roy's waist and press his forehead against Roy's shoulder. ]

No vigilantes in mine, though.

[roy turns his head with a sigh, giving raleigh's hair a kiss.]

I'll listen. Anytime you wanna share, I'm here. [he's always happy to listen to raleigh; this is...important, and they really haven't shared all that much, he realizes.]

[ He gently squeezes Roy's waist, fingers digging into the material. ]

What do you want to know?

Everything. [he chuckles softly, leaning into raleigh.]

You know all about me now, so...

Mmm. The beginning?

[ He pulls back and smiles, then leans to kiss Roy's cheek. ]

Let's go sit on the couch. [ Because he's going to need some serious cuddling for this. ]

[roy can do cuddling.]

Gotcha. [he pulls away and gets to his feet, going over to the couch and plopping down wtihout hesitation, leaving his coffee behind.]

[ Raleigh trails after him and flops next to him, curling up at his side. ]

I was the middle kid. Did you know that? I've got a younger sister out there somewhere.

[roy curls his arms around raleigh, happy to hold him close and let him talk.]

No shit? [he chuckles softly, ssh nuzzling his hair.] How come you guys don't talk?

That's...kind of a long story. And it's -- not happy.

[ He rests heavily against Roy, letting his eyes close. ]

You sure you want to hear it?

Course I do. [anything raleigh wants to say, roy will listen.]

I've got the time. [he runs his fingers through raleigh's hair, holding him a little closer.]

[ Raleigh sighs then starts talking, slowly. He's not used to talking a lot about himself, and the way his words are kind of stilted makes it obvious how hard this is for him. ]

I was born in Anchorage, we lived just outside of town. It was a pretty simple life. My dad was a hydraulic engineer, he worked on dams. Mom stayed with us kids, kind of a typical stay at home mom setup. My brother was the oldest.

[ Raleigh swallows. ]

Yancy. Then me, then Jaz - short for Jazmine.

[ That's the first time in five years he's managed to speak Yancy's name. ]

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