He's a washout, a let down, a disappointment to everyone that ever idolized the jaeger program and to anyone that ever looked up to Stacker's star team during their prime. The Beckets were the icon of humanity - America's little golden boys, two adorable brothers from Alaska that everyone loved and then they fucked it all up. Chuck's bitter, angry, tinged with regret because Raleigh just fucking left - he left, like a goddamn coward, and then everything started crumbling down in his wake.
Jaegers started falling, kaiju started getting smarter - they came with weapons and they got bigger and bigger and bigger and then funding was cut, then cut again until there was no more money left to train cadets into Rangers and the pilots that were still piloting were wearing thin, getting old and slow and then they'd just fucking die and it's all Raleigh's fault.
All of it.
The jaeger programs failing because of mediocre pilots, he'd sneered once in an interview some years later, and they're fuckin' mediocre because they're old, washed up - not unlike a certain pilot we were once all familiar with - except at least they aren't cowards. The glory days are over, mate - it's just war now, war and death and blood and destruction and there's no one to step up and help us out when we fall. So, y'know, we do the goddamn best we can or we die trying.
Yancy had died and Chuck was left angry, frustrated but a little bit hopeful - he's good, he's the best, he's next in line to be called up for duty and it's gonna be Becket and Gipsy or piloting with his fucking father and Jesus Christ if there was anything in the world that Chuck Hansen wanted more than to kick kaiju ass it was to do it with Raleigh Becket.
It didn't work that way though; Raleigh was released from the hospital, discharged from the PPDC and he fled like a goddamn coward and Chuck was so angry he saw red but there wasn't anything he could do except keep pushing, keep going, keep working to prove that he isn't a piece of shit like Raleigh, that he's worth a goddamn and he's not a coward. He's the youngest ranger to set foot in the academy and he's going to show the world just how fucking good he really is.
So Chuck stepped into a jaeger at fifteen, the youngest to ever get handed a multibillion dollar machine and he handles it with care, respect and awe and even if he's crammed in a cockpit with a man he mostly hates it's still means everything to him and its his life - he lives and breathes that jaeger and then when he's called away from Sydney, his home all the way to fucking Hong Kong he's angry but he goes - orders are orders - and then there's Becket.
Becket, who looks like he'd never left the Shatterdome, who looks like he was just coming back home, as dirty and beaten down as he appeared. His swagger was still there, just like Chuck remembered and he hated him even more for it and Chuck hates himself even more for eyeing the lone of Raleigh's jaw, the shape of his face, the way he's still so cut even underneath all those ill-fitting, dirty clothes.
He ignores him as much as possible, then can't help himself when Becket sits at their table courtesy of his idiot father; he baits him, looks at him with utter disgust to hide anything else he might be feeling then gets up and saunters off, Max in tow, leaving his food behind for someone else to deal with.
He immediately goes to the kwoon to beat out his frustration on a punching bag but he isn't there long, because the trials are the next morning and they're setting up and oh, you can bet Chuck's going to be there to watch Raleigh fail yet again.
He stands in the back, just there, hands jammed in his pockets, eyes surveying Raleigh's every move.
Could've had him in three, he thinks, I would've had Becket in one. ]
[Here's the thing. Raleigh Becket hardly knows Chuck exists.
And a week or so ago he didn't know Chuck existed at all. He knows Hercules as a soldier and a colleague with whom he's fought before, but his kid? Hardly heard of him.
Of course...that wasn't all true. He'd known Striker had swapped a pilot, it was big news when it happened, and he saw the occasional interview but he never got too involved. After leaving the program the last thing he wanted go do was follow the Jaeger program's advancements.
Not that it was easy to dodge.
Even after all these years a journalist would still manage to find him here and there, turn up the one moment he had to himself and ask questions he'd spent years trying to move on from.
What are you doing now?
What do you think about the war?
Tell me about your brother..
And the answer was always a resounding fuck no. All they ever wanted was a pity piece to run against the heraldry of The Glory Days.
The Amazing Beckets and Gipsy Danger Read all about it
As if you haven't before.
Really it's all Raleigh can do to keep from changing his name and growing a beard but when Penticost finally finds him, bring him back, reignites that last little spark of hope... it's terrifying, but what choice does he have? Die on the wall? Not if he can help it.
Does raise the issue of finding a co-pilot, though.
Perspective partners and hopefuls line up but none of them are good enough. He puts them down one after another and the workout is nice but there's no emotional connection. It's dead space. It's methodical, muscle memory, boring. A few heated words and he's got Make out of her boots and on the mat, and she's great, and for the first time in a long time he feels a connection. And Raleigh thinks great, this is it. but Penticost has other ideas. And out of the corner of his eye he can see Chuck standing in the doorway watching. In the back of his head he remembers a quiet conversation with Hercules, how hard the kid has worked, his dedication to the program.
And he sees the potential. Herc's mentioned it again recently. He's getting older. The Hansen's drift is fine but it could be better. Everything between them could be better. And what if something were to happen? Raleigh's situation was a constant reminder that a Jaeger going down didn't always mean both pilots went with it. Now isn't a time to be picky, they need as many fits to the puzzle as possible.
It's risky, he can see it. Chuck is aggressive and wounded and young. But Raleigh is experienced and a good Ranger and he's wounded, too. More than anyone and he's still standing (if only barely) but the strength it requires...to know that loss and still get up every day and fight on and get back in a Jaeger. If that's not real strength than Penticost isn't sure what is. So either this is great, or it's the worst idea on the history of man.
Stacker hopes it's the former. There have been some very bad ideas in history.
And so that night he pays The Hansen Younger a visit with his father leaning in the doorway of his own room across the hall with crossed arms and a wry smile.
He wants to try something new. An experiment of sorts.
[ If there is one person in the world that Chuck actually listens to with a modicum of respect - it's Stacker Pentecost. His father, Chuck will defer to - he'll listen, Chuck's good at following orders which shouldn't be as shocking as it is.
(he grew up in a cockpit, around pilots and jaegers and protocol and rules and regulations and it was beaten into him at a young age and he threw himself into that program and worked as hard as he possibly could to be the very, very best of the best and they don't put kids into jaegers, they put men into jaegers and at fifteen Chuck was a fucking man, killing kaiju and piloting that new, shiny and gorgeous Striker Eureka with his old man after Lucky Seven's decommissioning.)
So when Pentecost says suit up he suits up and he's there and he's not late, because being late would mean disobeying a direct order and we can't have that now can we?
He saunters into bay 2 at 08:00, bolted into his drive suit and not looking very happy about it. ]
[Well, he wouldn't be the only one. And when Chuck comes in it takes all of two seconds for Raleigh to realize what's happened.]
Ah, shit.
[He grimaces, already halfway through tethering himself into his side of the conn-pod.]
I'll take the right if you don't mind. [Not even glancing up. He's angry, this is bullshit. Hansen already has a Jaeger what the Hell does he need Gipsy for?
But he's not here by accident. This is Penticost's doing and so he has no choice but to go along with it as far as he can stand.] My left is kinda shot.
[ Okay so Chuck following orders? Out the window. This is utter bullshit and once he realizes what's going on, once he's realizing just who is sitting in Hanger 2, Chuck's livid and he's so goddamn pissed off he's seeing red. ]
Where the fuck is the Marshal? He can't take this away from me--!
[ Everything he's fought for, everything he's dreamed of, ripped away from him in a matter of seconds? Chuck's entire world is crashing down on him and he feels more helpless than he ever has in his entire life. He lives and breathes Striker Eureka and for him to be reassigned is literally worse than death. ]
I fought for Striker, fair and square, y'can't just -- pull me outta there! Who's gonna pilot him, huh? Who the fuck do you think is even remotely good enough to step into my goddamn jaeger?
[The Marshall, of course, is only a moment behind Hansen. He knows this is a rude surprise. But it's not a surprise to him. He's aware he needs to be there to facilitate this.]
No one is taking anything from you, Ranger. [His booming voice commands authority that pulls both he and Raleigh to attention.]
We do not have the luxury of surplus pilots, we need every hand we have.
[A pause.]
Suppose something were to happen to Striker Eureka and you were left without a Jaeger. You trained in a simulated Mach 3, here is your chance to pilot one.
[His will is absolute. Raleigh doesn't loo so sure. Everything he knows about Chuck points to pent up aggression, a narrow field of vision, and the need to be the best. It's not how he operates, not entirely. And anyway Chuck pretty much hates him. why would he ever want to-
But Penticost sees the look. He knows. It's not lost on him.]
Becket, I want you to guide him through.
But Sir, with all due respect-
No, Becket. This is an experiment in interchangeable piloting. [A hard look to the both of the.] It's not a death sentence, just try it.
[ Raleigh doesn't look sure, but Chuck looks pissed. Chuck's about to explode; his face is practically purple with rage, the vein in his forehead nearing combustion. He's so angry he's seeing stars, and it's only because it's Stacker Pentecost and not his fucking father that Chuck doesn't lash out more than he is already. ]
Bullshit--! I can't drift with a goddamn has-been! You saw how he was in the kwoon with Mako, put him with her! Nothin' is gonna happen to Striker, not while I'm his pilot! Don't do this to me, Marshal!
You're going to do it and you're going to deal with it, Ranger.
[And there's no fighting with him about it right now. Raleigh, for once, manages to hold his tongue but rolls his eyes and turns away to get up onto his mount. The Marshall says to boot up so that's what they're going to do but;]
This isn't gonna work.
[He can yell and scream and cry about it later but he's convinced this is going to fail so why bother.]
[ Chuck's snarling - he feels betrayed both by his father and by the Marshal and as always, by Raleigh. He doesn't remember being this angry --
Or well, maybe he does, because he remembers feeling this angry towards his father when he realized his mother was never coming home, when he watched Sydney burn right in front of him.
That was the last time he was this angry, and carrying that into the Drift--
[Raleigh is angry, too, but it's more of a bitter disappointment. He doesn't want Chuck to be here, he wants Mako. This is just rubbing salt into the wound.
But they have to, and so he settles in, eyes closed, breathing steady as he can manage.
And then the connection is made and it hits like a physical punch to the stomach.
Chuck is made of fire and nothing but thick, high walls you can't get through. It's painful. There's no hard to grasp, here, it's just plain straight rejection.
Likewise, Raleigh is halfhearted and so the blow hits double hard, but his memories are there to be accepted. Overwhelming pain and sorrow leaking through into everything. And Yancy-
Yancy is right there at Raleigh's side.
Someone's yelling through the intercom. Steady yourself, you're out of alignment.
[ Chuck's walls are a mile high and Raleigh's not getting in.
No way, no how.
It's outright rejection, Raleigh's right in that train of thought, but Chuck can't help but receive some of Raleigh's thoughts, because either Becket isn't as skilled as Chuck is or he's doing it on purpose. Either way, Chuck flinches when the pain hits him, when the sorrow seeps into his mind and buries itself in deep in Chuck's bones, leaving him rattled and gasping for air and struggling to keep his own walls up and Raleigh out.
And Yancy's 'appearance' freaks Chuck out and he wants out, out of the Drift and if they were out of alignment before it's getting worse, now. ]
[Yancy talking, not Raleigh. He always present but right now it's like he has to be there. To oversee his replacement, or guide Raleigh back, or something. He doesn't know. He's only there because Raleigh and Gipsy are holding the past remnants of him in their minds and circuits.
And Raleigh just thinks..maybe if he can force himself enough, maybe if he can get to Chuck just a little bit then the kid might at least understand him.
Might back off a little.
But shit, all they're doing is hurting each other and there's no way this is gonna happen.
No wonder it fails.
And it's a spectacular fail, as well. Buildings falling, fire from the sky kind of fail. And so Penticost calls it and they disengage. 20% match at best, he figures, but they were never stable enough to get a proper reading. Pathetic.
So when the system powers down it leaves them gasping and hurt and angry all over again, this time doubling up with each other's misery and pain and left reeling - and it's not for the better.
[ It hurts so goddamn much, and when the connection is cut, Chuck’s face is actually wet and the minute he’s unbolted he actually drops down to one knee, yanking his helmet off and rubbing roughly at his face with his gloved hand.
He’s angry at Stacker, angry at his father, angry at himself because Chuck Hansen doesn’t fail. He doesn’t fuck up this spectacularly, he doesn’t do this. The fact that they’re clearly not compatible together notwithstanding, Chuck’s mad more at himself than he is at Raleigh. He’s mad at his own arrogance, his own inability to let anyone else in, at his own personal demons that prevent him from a clean Drift with anyone else but Hercules.
Stacker’s right, he shouldn’t be so limited but this is his father, the only link Chuck really has to anything resembling his old life and underneath the mountain of anger and rage and pain and resentment and bitterness is devotion so fierce that it prevents Chuck from adequately allowing anyone else in his headspace.
[The tears don't go unnoticed, but Raleigh doesn't point it out. His eyes are misty, too, but he's not sure if they're his or not. Might be from Chuck's unyielding anger. Might be from his own isolation and heartbreak. Who can say.
What he does know, however, is that this is humiliating. Reteaming Gipsy is a huge moment for them and it's first attempt was a great, resounding, wail of unsuccess. He doesn't get it. He just doesn't understand, why now? Why try this experiment now. They have better things to be doing. They need all the pilots they can get, so why not try this after finding a suitable second half for Raleigh to begin with and then work from there? Was Herc looking for a second drift partner, too?
He gets the idea of it, switch the teams up if a pilot gets injured, they'd studied the theory at the academy, but it just wasn't really done.
That being said, they aren't an army, anymore. Protocol isn't always set in stone, these days.
But-
No buts about it, this is bad timing and it's weird and unfair for the both of them.
Raleigh pulls his helmet off and dismounts his side of the rig. He feels sick. This wasn't what he had in mind when Penticost said come back. And it would be so easy to turn away and leave Chuck there on the ground. He doesn't owe the kid anything and he shut him out so there wasn't a chance in hell this'd ever work. Fine, the kid hates him, whatever - he's not happy about this either - but sabotaging the neural bridge just makes them both look like assholes.
Still...
Still, he's not the kind of person to leave a comrade (friend or not) on the floor, and pivots his stance - taking a few steps over to Chuck's side (his old side..) and extending a hand.
His head is killing him, stomach in knots, he's guessing Chuck's is, too.
C'mon, he says with a look, jaw set and brows drawn. Get up.]
[ Chuck feels sick, like he might throw up and when Raleigh first extends that hand, the thought at the forefront of Chuck’s mind is fuck right the hell off.
It’s only because Raleigh doesn’t say anything at all that Chuck, to everyone’s surprise, actually takes the offered hand and pulls himself up, legs shaking beneath him and he’s really not sure how long he’s going to be able to actually walk without stumbling or needing to lean against a wall. Raleigh’s emotion has bowled him over and it’s all tangled up in his head, the heartbreak and isolation and the feeling of just being bone cold, the pain and ice cutting so deep it feels like Chuck experienced it himself. He feels like a piece of his own soul is missing, like there’s a blank stop in his head where his co-pilot is supposed to be and is scares the fucking shit out of him.
This is why he can’t have another pilot. It’d always been him and Herc and as fucked up and dysfunctional as they are they work together, they’re good at killing kaiju and smashing shit up and even the mere thought of something going wrong, of losing his father in combat (or period) is fucking terrifying and Raleigh just verified all of Chuck’s worst, deepest fears.
And it really, really pisses him off, because he feels so goddamn conflicted about it. He doesn’t want to be a fuckup, doesn’t want to rely on anyone else beyond himself and his father is someone to beat, right, not someone he wants to be around but it’s not so simple, is it? Nothing is ever simple in Chuck’s life and like hell is the man himself simple – he’s a problem, an unsolvable math problem that is so complicated and so fucked up that one couldn’t even begin to hope to piece it all together.
He wants to be the best.
He doesn’t want to be Raleigh’s co-pilot.
He wants to stay in Striker.
He doesn’t want to be a failure.
He wants to be Raleigh’s co-pilot.
He wants the Drift to go right because he doesn’t want to look like a fuckup, like he’s as much of a has been as Raleigh is.
He both does and doesn’t want Raleigh Becket in his head.
Nothing is easy, nothing is handed to him and he knows that; he has to work for the things he has and he worked his ass off for Striker Eureka and he’s Chuck’s baby, his multibillion dollar, twenty five story baby and one of the only things in Chuck’s life he actually gives a goddamn about and now—
Now he’s pretty sure that he’s going to lose it, because even despite this failure Chuck knows that this can’t be – and isn’t – the last time they’ll try, because Chuck isn’t a failure.
He has to try again. There's no way he won't. He has to get it right.
He’ll do it again, he’ll give it his all even if it means he ends up yanked out of Striker and stuck in a jaeger he used to idolize and now hates the sight of.
He jerks away from Raleigh once he’s on his feet and stumbles over to lean on the wall, helmet still held in his hand, free arm clutching at the Striker label painted on his armor. ]
We’ll try again tomorrow.
[ Then he’s launching himself towards the exit, wanting nothing more than to get to his room and lock the door, and empty the contents of his stomach and wallow in the hangover. ]
[Raleigh doesn't expect Chuck to take his hand, but he helps him up when the offer is accepted.
Even more than that he definitely doesn't expect to hear those words come out of Chuck's mouth.
He helps him up and Chuck is gone in an instant.
Can't really blame him, Raleigh is feeling pretty sick, himself. He's in knots all night and the only relief he gets is finally getting out of his drive suit and back into comfortable clothes.
Being rejected like that pulls an intense migraine up right behind his eyes and he can't make it stop. All the lights off, curled up in bed, breathing hard through clenched teeth with every sharp stabbing pain in his head.
Fuck you, Chuck Hansen.
As if the embarrassment and shame wasn't bad enough.]
[ Chuck gets back to his room and he immediately empties the contents of his stomach and he stays there, hovering over the metal rim of his toilet bowl for several hours, clutching at it and pressing his face against the cold steel and taking deep, shuddering breathes.
It shouldn't have gone like that. He fucked up. He had pushed away too hard, didn't open up enough, didn't trust Raleigh.
But how could he? How was he supposed to trust someone he felt so betrayed by? It's almost impossible for Chuck to trust anyone, period, and asking him to get into that conn-pod or sim or whatever with Raleigh is just --
Madness.
It's madness, and he's pissed at his father, pissed at Stacker, pissed at himself.
Doesn't help that he feels betrayed by Herc either, and that added on top of it made Chuck all the more likely to outright reject Raleigh -- which is exactly what he did.
[Really, Hercules should have followed Chuck out to talk to him, but he knows that's the worst possible idea. Communicating with his son outside the drift is impossible at the best of times, now would be like throwing gasoline on a fire and then rolling in it. He does, however, stop by with Max, lightly looping the dog's leash over the door knob and settling a pair of raybans over the little guy's eyes. A trick he's taught Max over the years. He knocks a few times before leaving, knowing full well Chuck won't answer if he can see his father, but who would say no to the dog wearing sunnies?
And really, Max cries if he doesn't get Chuck cuddles every day. And Herc thinks maybe Chuck needs some comfort incapable of human speech at the moment. Can't blame him. Today wasn't exactly a grand success. And it was largely his fault. Something to go and see Stacker about.
He's surprised Chuck isn't in there right now screaming about the injustice of it all.
-
Raleigh, on the other hand, would be in the Marshal's office if he could get through the pain of getting there but he can barely move. Physical pain, fine. He's fit, ye's relatively young, he's well trained (or at least was in the past), physicality he can deal with. But the mental stuff? Opening up your head and knowing it's a bad idea, trying so hard and knowing it's gonna get cut off and thrown right back at you with as much force as possible, is killer. And it's only through sheer will power and a hand full of pain killers he gets any sleep at all.
And when it does come, there's still a ghost drift. It's small, pathetic, a little spark floating through his subconscious. that one little piece of him that got through to chuck for a split second out of upset, forcing himself on the younger pilot to beat back the feeling of being shut out. He's just so angry because of it. A childish knee jerk reaction. But they don't trust each other. They don't know each other. And it's so disappointing.
And even more disappointing when he sees Chuck in his dreams, and relives that feeling of being rejected all over again. In his dream he turns, seething, staring the younger Ranger down. Don't you ever underestimate me. In his dreams he's back at the beginning of the war. Back in Anchorage with Yancy with months in between kaiju attacks and even fewer of them requiring Gipsy's intervention. The Good 'Ol Days, they're starting to be referred to. Raleigh wholeheartedly disagrees. The Good Ol' Days were pre-kaiju. When you could walk down the street without fearing for your life. When brothers weren't torn to pieces by giant monsters.
Glimpses of innocence, smiling faces, travels all over the world, a family with two boys and a girl watching the moon festival in Tokyo and celebrating Chinese New Year in Shanghai. Berlin and and the South of France and London. Summers spent on beaches chasing girls. Sneaking into foreign clubs with lower drinking ages for a night out and then hauling themselves back before their parent's woke up. Their parents always woke up.
Glimpses of stumbling home drunk, someone holding you up, your arm wrapped around your shoulder. I didn't mean- you slur. You're drunk. I didn't know she was a he-- The neon lights you're passing blind your eyes and the person carrying you just laughs. We're in Singapore, idiot. He answers, and you look up with bleary eyes. He's blonde, smiling with a smug sort of I told you so. The streetlamp behind him is framing his head like a halo. All the shes are hes, here. Lucky I got found you when I did.
Yeah- lucky.
--
Morning seems to come too soon and only feeling marginally better, Raleigh is dressed but wary, hovering by Pentecost's door. The discussion begins there and works it's way down the hall towards Gipsy's bay, passing Chuck's room in the process and whether he's already out in the hall or still inside, or even getting his drive suit on there's no way he doesn't hear at least a fraction of it. Not exactly a conversation as Pentecost is staying very quiet, but Raleigh is half out of his head about it. He doesn't want to do this, it's insane, it's not going to work and why should they bother anyway? This isn't what he signed on for. He signed on to pilot Gipsy Danger and kill kaiju and help people, not look like an asshole with an incapacitate drift partner he wouldn't be driving with anyway.
If Chuck were able, he’d be in the Marshal’s office, screaming his lungs out over the whole thing. Unfortunately (or fortunately, hard to say), Chuck can’t really move. His head hurts, he keeps getting pieces of leftover Drift from Raleigh, little tidbits that slipped in because the old Ranger had tried so hard (and Chuck just shut him out, shut him down and he doesn’t necessarily feel bad about it as much as he feels like a fucking failure) and left Chuck with memories that aren’t his.
Chuck lets Max up on the bed with him that night. He knows Herc put those stupid shades on him and it’s times like this that he loves and hates his father. His dad is the one person who knows him better than anyone and Herc knows he’s fucked up. He knows, and he brought the dog to Chuck as a peace offering and Chuck appreciates it.
Max is tolerant of Chuck and stays curled by his side all night, even while Chuck sleeps fitfully, plagued by dreams that aren’t his and by nightmares that are. He dreams of Sydney burning, of screaming and people on fire, the sound of a kaiju roaring loud enough to rattle the windows of his school, of his dads strong arms around him, dragging him away and cramming him into the chopper, of diesel fuel and shouted commands, of a burger that night that tasted like ash but that he ate anyway because he was so hungry (he picked the pickles off, Chuck hates pickles).
He picks up on Raleigh’s anger at him and yeah, okay, he gets it – he understands, he’d be pissed too, just for different reasons.
* * *
To Chuck, morning doesn’t come fast enough. He still feels sick, weak and a little trembly but he gets up, showers, puts his circuitry suit on and gets ready – and oh, he hears Raleigh. There’s no way the entire ‘Dome doesn’t hear him, and if he hadn’t been tangled up in the polymer suit he’d have barged out there and said his piece because Raleigh’s just echoing all the shit that Chuck was thinking.
Except now, Chuck’s determined. He’s determined not to fuck it up, to let down the mental walls and actually let the idiot in because Chuck is not a failure. Chuck doesn’t screw up, he gets things right and he gets the job done.
So he’s there, waiting in Gipsy’s pod in his Striker armor, helmet clutched under his arm, posture stiff but expression determined.
-ir with all due respect, don't you think this is a waste of time?! Just let me drift with Mako. We're compatible, I know we are-
[Just as they reach the loading hatch, The Marshal stops by the Door and Raleigh is right at his heels like an angry dog.]
Don't ever presume to know what I think, Ranger.
[It's harsh. It has to be to put Raleigh back in his place. They're doing this for a reason and he just has to deal with it. Chuck showed up, that means he's willing. Just do your job.
There's another brief attempt at interchange but Raleigh backs down (is shut down with a single look more like) and stomps into the Conn-pod, not even looking at Chuck as he gets into the right-hand mount.]
If you're gonna block me out again at least have the courtesy to warn me, first.
[He's half temped to lash out himself, this time, but screwing the connection is only going to backlash through their heads and putting two pilots from different jaegers out of commission because they're pissed at the authority is a stupid move.]
[ And if Chuck showed up and he's silent, that's saying something. He's here, he's not happy about it but he's here, and he's glaring at Raleigh as if the man had kicked Max.
Raleigh, who isn't looking at him at all.
Understandable. ]
Not gonna.
[ No. Chuck can be better than Raleigh, he can do this, show them it's a waste of time without Chuck acting like a preteen asshole.
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theshatterdome2014-01-18 10:14 am
a;
He's a washout, a let down, a disappointment to everyone that ever idolized the jaeger program and to anyone that ever looked up to Stacker's star team during their prime. The Beckets were the icon of humanity - America's little golden boys, two adorable brothers from Alaska that everyone loved and then they fucked it all up. Chuck's bitter, angry, tinged with regret because Raleigh just fucking left - he left, like a goddamn coward, and then everything started crumbling down in his wake.
Jaegers started falling, kaiju started getting smarter - they came with weapons and they got bigger and bigger and bigger and then funding was cut, then cut again until there was no more money left to train cadets into Rangers and the pilots that were still piloting were wearing thin, getting old and slow and then they'd just fucking die and it's all Raleigh's fault.
All of it.
The jaeger programs failing because of mediocre pilots, he'd sneered once in an interview some years later, and they're fuckin' mediocre because they're old, washed up - not unlike a certain pilot we were once all familiar with - except at least they aren't cowards. The glory days are over, mate - it's just war now, war and death and blood and destruction and there's no one to step up and help us out when we fall. So, y'know, we do the goddamn best we can or we die trying.
Yancy had died and Chuck was left angry, frustrated but a little bit hopeful - he's good, he's the best, he's next in line to be called up for duty and it's gonna be Becket and Gipsy or piloting with his fucking father and Jesus Christ if there was anything in the world that Chuck Hansen wanted more than to kick kaiju ass it was to do it with Raleigh Becket.
It didn't work that way though; Raleigh was released from the hospital, discharged from the PPDC and he fled like a goddamn coward and Chuck was so angry he saw red but there wasn't anything he could do except keep pushing, keep going, keep working to prove that he isn't a piece of shit like Raleigh, that he's worth a goddamn and he's not a coward. He's the youngest ranger to set foot in the academy and he's going to show the world just how fucking good he really is.
So Chuck stepped into a jaeger at fifteen, the youngest to ever get handed a multibillion dollar machine and he handles it with care, respect and awe and even if he's crammed in a cockpit with a man he mostly hates it's still means everything to him and its his life - he lives and breathes that jaeger and then when he's called away from Sydney, his home all the way to fucking Hong Kong he's angry but he goes - orders are orders - and then there's Becket.
Becket, who looks like he'd never left the Shatterdome, who looks like he was just coming back home, as dirty and beaten down as he appeared. His swagger was still there, just like Chuck remembered and he hated him even more for it and Chuck hates himself even more for eyeing the lone of Raleigh's jaw, the shape of his face, the way he's still so cut even underneath all those ill-fitting, dirty clothes.
He ignores him as much as possible, then can't help himself when Becket sits at their table courtesy of his idiot father; he baits him, looks at him with utter disgust to hide anything else he might be feeling then gets up and saunters off, Max in tow, leaving his food behind for someone else to deal with.
He immediately goes to the kwoon to beat out his frustration on a punching bag but he isn't there long, because the trials are the next morning and they're setting up and oh, you can bet Chuck's going to be there to watch Raleigh fail yet again.
He stands in the back, just there, hands jammed in his pockets, eyes surveying Raleigh's every move.
Could've had him in three, he thinks, I would've had Becket in one. ]
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And a week or so ago he didn't know Chuck existed at all. He knows Hercules as a soldier and a colleague with whom he's fought before, but his kid? Hardly heard of him.
Of course...that wasn't all true. He'd known Striker had swapped a pilot, it was big news when it happened, and he saw the occasional interview but he never got too involved. After leaving the program the last thing he wanted go do was follow the Jaeger program's advancements.
Not that it was easy to dodge.
Even after all these years a journalist would still manage to find him here and there, turn up the one moment he had to himself and ask questions he'd spent years trying to move on from.
What are you doing now?
What do you think about the war?
Tell me about your brother..
And the answer was always a resounding fuck no. All they ever wanted was a pity piece to run against the heraldry of The Glory Days.
The Amazing Beckets and Gipsy Danger
Read all about it
As if you haven't before.
Really it's all Raleigh can do to keep from changing his name and growing a beard but when Penticost finally finds him, bring him back, reignites that last little spark of hope... it's terrifying, but what choice does he have? Die on the wall? Not if he can help it.
Does raise the issue of finding a co-pilot, though.
Perspective partners and hopefuls line up but none of them are good enough. He puts them down one after another and the workout is nice but there's no emotional connection. It's dead space. It's methodical, muscle memory, boring. A few heated words and he's got Make out of her boots and on the mat, and she's great, and for the first time in a long time he feels a connection. And Raleigh thinks great, this is it. but Penticost has other ideas. And out of the corner of his eye he can see Chuck standing in the doorway watching. In the back of his head he remembers a quiet conversation with Hercules, how hard the kid has worked, his dedication to the program.
And he sees the potential. Herc's mentioned it again recently. He's getting older. The Hansen's drift is fine but it could be better. Everything between them could be better. And what if something were to happen? Raleigh's situation was a constant reminder that a Jaeger going down didn't always mean both pilots went with it. Now isn't a time to be picky, they need as many fits to the puzzle as possible.
It's risky, he can see it. Chuck is aggressive and wounded and young. But Raleigh is experienced and a good Ranger and he's wounded, too. More than anyone and he's still standing (if only barely) but the strength it requires...to know that loss and still get up every day and fight on and get back in a Jaeger. If that's not real strength than Penticost isn't sure what is. So either this is great, or it's the worst idea on the history of man.
Stacker hopes it's the former. There have been some very bad ideas in history.
And so that night he pays The Hansen Younger a visit with his father leaning in the doorway of his own room across the hall with crossed arms and a wry smile.
He wants to try something new. An experiment of sorts.
Tomorrow morning, Bay 2. 08:00 hours.
Don't be late.]
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(he grew up in a cockpit, around pilots and jaegers and protocol and rules and regulations and it was beaten into him at a young age and he threw himself into that program and worked as hard as he possibly could to be the very, very best of the best and they don't put kids into jaegers, they put men into jaegers and at fifteen Chuck was a fucking man, killing kaiju and piloting that new, shiny and gorgeous Striker Eureka with his old man after Lucky Seven's decommissioning.)
So when Pentecost says suit up he suits up and he's there and he's not late, because being late would mean disobeying a direct order and we can't have that now can we?
He saunters into bay 2 at 08:00, bolted into his drive suit and not looking very happy about it. ]
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Ah, shit.
[He grimaces, already halfway through tethering himself into his side of the conn-pod.]
I'll take the right if you don't mind. [Not even glancing up. He's angry, this is bullshit. Hansen already has a Jaeger what the Hell does he need Gipsy for?
But he's not here by accident. This is Penticost's doing and so he has no choice but to go along with it as far as he can stand.] My left is kinda shot.
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[ Okay so Chuck following orders? Out the window. This is utter bullshit and once he realizes what's going on, once he's realizing just who is sitting in Hanger 2, Chuck's livid and he's so goddamn pissed off he's seeing red. ]
Where the fuck is the Marshal? He can't take this away from me--!
[ Everything he's fought for, everything he's dreamed of, ripped away from him in a matter of seconds? Chuck's entire world is crashing down on him and he feels more helpless than he ever has in his entire life. He lives and breathes Striker Eureka and for him to be reassigned is literally worse than death. ]
I fought for Striker, fair and square, y'can't just -- pull me outta there! Who's gonna pilot him, huh? Who the fuck do you think is even remotely good enough to step into my goddamn jaeger?
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No one is taking anything from you, Ranger. [His booming voice commands authority that pulls both he and Raleigh to attention.]
We do not have the luxury of surplus pilots, we need every hand we have.
[A pause.]
Suppose something were to happen to Striker Eureka and you were left without a Jaeger. You trained in a simulated Mach 3, here is your chance to pilot one.
[His will is absolute. Raleigh doesn't loo so sure. Everything he knows about Chuck points to pent up aggression, a narrow field of vision, and the need to be the best. It's not how he operates, not entirely. And anyway Chuck pretty much hates him. why would he ever want to-
But Penticost sees the look. He knows. It's not lost on him.]
Becket, I want you to guide him through.
But Sir, with all due respect-
No, Becket. This is an experiment in interchangeable piloting. [A hard look to the both of the.] It's not a death sentence, just try it.
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Bullshit--! I can't drift with a goddamn has-been! You saw how he was in the kwoon with Mako, put him with her! Nothin' is gonna happen to Striker, not while I'm his pilot! Don't do this to me, Marshal!
[ It is a death sentence. It is. ]
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[And there's no fighting with him about it right now. Raleigh, for once, manages to hold his tongue but rolls his eyes and turns away to get up onto his mount. The Marshall says to boot up so that's what they're going to do but;]
This isn't gonna work.
[He can yell and scream and cry about it later but he's convinced this is going to fail so why bother.]
Let's just get it over with.
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[ Chuck's snarling - he feels betrayed both by his father and by the Marshal and as always, by Raleigh. He doesn't remember being this angry --
Or well, maybe he does, because he remembers feeling this angry towards his father when he realized his mother was never coming home, when he watched Sydney burn right in front of him.
That was the last time he was this angry, and carrying that into the Drift--
Raleigh's right. This is never going to work. ]
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But they have to, and so he settles in, eyes closed, breathing steady as he can manage.
And then the connection is made and it hits like a physical punch to the stomach.
Chuck is made of fire and nothing but thick, high walls you can't get through. It's painful. There's no hard to grasp, here, it's just plain straight rejection.
Likewise, Raleigh is halfhearted and so the blow hits double hard, but his memories are there to be accepted. Overwhelming pain and sorrow leaking through into everything. And Yancy-
Yancy is right there at Raleigh's side.
Someone's yelling through the intercom. Steady yourself, you're out of alignment.
Yeah, no kidding.]
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No way, no how.
It's outright rejection, Raleigh's right in that train of thought, but Chuck can't help but receive some of Raleigh's thoughts, because either Becket isn't as skilled as Chuck is or he's doing it on purpose. Either way, Chuck flinches when the pain hits him, when the sorrow seeps into his mind and buries itself in deep in Chuck's bones, leaving him rattled and gasping for air and struggling to keep his own walls up and Raleigh out.
And Yancy's 'appearance' freaks Chuck out and he wants out, out of the Drift and if they were out of alignment before it's getting worse, now. ]
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[Yancy talking, not Raleigh. He always present but right now it's like he has to be there. To oversee his replacement, or guide Raleigh back, or something. He doesn't know. He's only there because Raleigh and Gipsy are holding the past remnants of him in their minds and circuits.
And Raleigh just thinks..maybe if he can force himself enough, maybe if he can get to Chuck just a little bit then the kid might at least understand him.
Might back off a little.
But shit, all they're doing is hurting each other and there's no way this is gonna happen.
No wonder it fails.
And it's a spectacular fail, as well. Buildings falling, fire from the sky kind of fail. And so Penticost calls it and they disengage. 20% match at best, he figures, but they were never stable enough to get a proper reading. Pathetic.
So when the system powers down it leaves them gasping and hurt and angry all over again, this time doubling up with each other's misery and pain and left reeling - and it's not for the better.
They couldn't even get past startup.]
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He’s angry at Stacker, angry at his father, angry at himself because Chuck Hansen doesn’t fail. He doesn’t fuck up this spectacularly, he doesn’t do this. The fact that they’re clearly not compatible together notwithstanding, Chuck’s mad more at himself than he is at Raleigh. He’s mad at his own arrogance, his own inability to let anyone else in, at his own personal demons that prevent him from a clean Drift with anyone else but Hercules.
Stacker’s right, he shouldn’t be so limited but this is his father, the only link Chuck really has to anything resembling his old life and underneath the mountain of anger and rage and pain and resentment and bitterness is devotion so fierce that it prevents Chuck from adequately allowing anyone else in his headspace.
He feels a little like he might vomit. ]
Fucking Christ.
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What he does know, however, is that this is humiliating. Reteaming Gipsy is a huge moment for them and it's first attempt was a great, resounding, wail of unsuccess. He doesn't get it. He just doesn't understand, why now? Why try this experiment now. They have better things to be doing. They need all the pilots they can get, so why not try this after finding a suitable second half for Raleigh to begin with and then work from there? Was Herc looking for a second drift partner, too?
He gets the idea of it, switch the teams up if a pilot gets injured, they'd studied the theory at the academy, but it just wasn't really done.
That being said, they aren't an army, anymore. Protocol isn't always set in stone, these days.
But-
No buts about it, this is bad timing and it's weird and unfair for the both of them.
Raleigh pulls his helmet off and dismounts his side of the rig. He feels sick. This wasn't what he had in mind when Penticost said come back. And it would be so easy to turn away and leave Chuck there on the ground. He doesn't owe the kid anything and he shut him out so there wasn't a chance in hell this'd ever work. Fine, the kid hates him, whatever - he's not happy about this either - but sabotaging the neural bridge just makes them both look like assholes.
Still...
Still, he's not the kind of person to leave a comrade (friend or not) on the floor, and pivots his stance - taking a few steps over to Chuck's side (his old side..) and extending a hand.
His head is killing him, stomach in knots, he's guessing Chuck's is, too.
C'mon, he says with a look, jaw set and brows drawn. Get up.]
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It’s only because Raleigh doesn’t say anything at all that Chuck, to everyone’s surprise, actually takes the offered hand and pulls himself up, legs shaking beneath him and he’s really not sure how long he’s going to be able to actually walk without stumbling or needing to lean against a wall. Raleigh’s emotion has bowled him over and it’s all tangled up in his head, the heartbreak and isolation and the feeling of just being bone cold, the pain and ice cutting so deep it feels like Chuck experienced it himself. He feels like a piece of his own soul is missing, like there’s a blank stop in his head where his co-pilot is supposed to be and is scares the fucking shit out of him.
This is why he can’t have another pilot. It’d always been him and Herc and as fucked up and dysfunctional as they are they work together, they’re good at killing kaiju and smashing shit up and even the mere thought of something going wrong, of losing his father in combat (or period) is fucking terrifying and Raleigh just verified all of Chuck’s worst, deepest fears.
And it really, really pisses him off, because he feels so goddamn conflicted about it. He doesn’t want to be a fuckup, doesn’t want to rely on anyone else beyond himself and his father is someone to beat, right, not someone he wants to be around but it’s not so simple, is it? Nothing is ever simple in Chuck’s life and like hell is the man himself simple – he’s a problem, an unsolvable math problem that is so complicated and so fucked up that one couldn’t even begin to hope to piece it all together.
He wants to be the best.
He doesn’t want to be Raleigh’s co-pilot.
He wants to stay in Striker.
He doesn’t want to be a failure.
He wants to be Raleigh’s co-pilot.
He wants the Drift to go right because he doesn’t want to look like a fuckup, like he’s as much of a has been as Raleigh is.
He both does and doesn’t want Raleigh Becket in his head.
Nothing is easy, nothing is handed to him and he knows that; he has to work for the things he has and he worked his ass off for Striker Eureka and he’s Chuck’s baby, his multibillion dollar, twenty five story baby and one of the only things in Chuck’s life he actually gives a goddamn about and now—
Now he’s pretty sure that he’s going to lose it, because even despite this failure Chuck knows that this can’t be – and isn’t – the last time they’ll try, because Chuck isn’t a failure.
He has to try again. There's no way he won't. He has to get it right.
He’ll do it again, he’ll give it his all even if it means he ends up yanked out of Striker and stuck in a jaeger he used to idolize and now hates the sight of.
He jerks away from Raleigh once he’s on his feet and stumbles over to lean on the wall, helmet still held in his hand, free arm clutching at the Striker label painted on his armor. ]
We’ll try again tomorrow.
[ Then he’s launching himself towards the exit, wanting nothing more than to get to his room and lock the door, and empty the contents of his stomach and wallow in the hangover. ]
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Even more than that he definitely doesn't expect to hear those words come out of Chuck's mouth.
He helps him up and Chuck is gone in an instant.
Can't really blame him, Raleigh is feeling pretty sick, himself. He's in knots all night and the only relief he gets is finally getting out of his drive suit and back into comfortable clothes.
Being rejected like that pulls an intense migraine up right behind his eyes and he can't make it stop. All the lights off, curled up in bed, breathing hard through clenched teeth with every sharp stabbing pain in his head.
Fuck you, Chuck Hansen.
As if the embarrassment and shame wasn't bad enough.]
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It shouldn't have gone like that. He fucked up. He had pushed away too hard, didn't open up enough, didn't trust Raleigh.
But how could he? How was he supposed to trust someone he felt so betrayed by? It's almost impossible for Chuck to trust anyone, period, and asking him to get into that conn-pod or sim or whatever with Raleigh is just --
Madness.
It's madness, and he's pissed at his father, pissed at Stacker, pissed at himself.
Doesn't help that he feels betrayed by Herc either, and that added on top of it made Chuck all the more likely to outright reject Raleigh -- which is exactly what he did.
Fuck you right back, Raleigh Becket. ]
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And really, Max cries if he doesn't get Chuck cuddles every day. And Herc thinks maybe Chuck needs some comfort incapable of human speech at the moment. Can't blame him. Today wasn't exactly a grand success. And it was largely his fault. Something to go and see Stacker about.
He's surprised Chuck isn't in there right now screaming about the injustice of it all.
-
Raleigh, on the other hand, would be in the Marshal's office if he could get through the pain of getting there but he can barely move. Physical pain, fine. He's fit, ye's relatively young, he's well trained (or at least was in the past), physicality he can deal with. But the mental stuff? Opening up your head and knowing it's a bad idea, trying so hard and knowing it's gonna get cut off and thrown right back at you with as much force as possible, is killer. And it's only through sheer will power and a hand full of pain killers he gets any sleep at all.
And when it does come, there's still a ghost drift. It's small, pathetic, a little spark floating through his subconscious. that one little piece of him that got through to chuck for a split second out of upset, forcing himself on the younger pilot to beat back the feeling of being shut out. He's just so angry because of it. A childish knee jerk reaction. But they don't trust each other. They don't know each other. And it's so disappointing.
And even more disappointing when he sees Chuck in his dreams, and relives that feeling of being rejected all over again. In his dream he turns, seething, staring the younger Ranger down. Don't you ever underestimate me. In his dreams he's back at the beginning of the war. Back in Anchorage with Yancy with months in between kaiju attacks and even fewer of them requiring Gipsy's intervention. The Good 'Ol Days, they're starting to be referred to. Raleigh wholeheartedly disagrees. The Good Ol' Days were pre-kaiju. When you could walk down the street without fearing for your life. When brothers weren't torn to pieces by giant monsters.
Glimpses of innocence, smiling faces, travels all over the world, a family with two boys and a girl watching the moon festival in Tokyo and celebrating Chinese New Year in Shanghai. Berlin and and the South of France and London. Summers spent on beaches chasing girls. Sneaking into foreign clubs with lower drinking ages for a night out and then hauling themselves back before their parent's woke up. Their parents always woke up.
Glimpses of stumbling home drunk, someone holding you up, your arm wrapped around your shoulder. I didn't mean- you slur. You're drunk. I didn't know she was a he-- The neon lights you're passing blind your eyes and the person carrying you just laughs. We're in Singapore, idiot. He answers, and you look up with bleary eyes. He's blonde, smiling with a smug sort of I told you so. The streetlamp behind him is framing his head like a halo. All the shes are hes, here. Lucky I got found you when I did.
Yeah- lucky.
--
Morning seems to come too soon and only feeling marginally better, Raleigh is dressed but wary, hovering by Pentecost's door. The discussion begins there and works it's way down the hall towards Gipsy's bay, passing Chuck's room in the process and whether he's already out in the hall or still inside, or even getting his drive suit on there's no way he doesn't hear at least a fraction of it. Not exactly a conversation as Pentecost is staying very quiet, but Raleigh is half out of his head about it. He doesn't want to do this, it's insane, it's not going to work and why should they bother anyway? This isn't what he signed on for. He signed on to pilot Gipsy Danger and kill kaiju and help people, not look like an asshole with an incapacitate drift partner he wouldn't be driving with anyway.
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Chuck lets Max up on the bed with him that night. He knows Herc put those stupid shades on him and it’s times like this that he loves and hates his father. His dad is the one person who knows him better than anyone and Herc knows he’s fucked up. He knows, and he brought the dog to Chuck as a peace offering and Chuck appreciates it.
Max is tolerant of Chuck and stays curled by his side all night, even while Chuck sleeps fitfully, plagued by dreams that aren’t his and by nightmares that are. He dreams of Sydney burning, of screaming and people on fire, the sound of a kaiju roaring loud enough to rattle the windows of his school, of his dads strong arms around him, dragging him away and cramming him into the chopper, of diesel fuel and shouted commands, of a burger that night that tasted like ash but that he ate anyway because he was so hungry (he picked the pickles off, Chuck hates pickles).
He picks up on Raleigh’s anger at him and yeah, okay, he gets it – he understands, he’d be pissed too, just for different reasons.
To Chuck, morning doesn’t come fast enough. He still feels sick, weak and a little trembly but he gets up, showers, puts his circuitry suit on and gets ready – and oh, he hears Raleigh. There’s no way the entire ‘Dome doesn’t hear him, and if he hadn’t been tangled up in the polymer suit he’d have barged out there and said his piece because Raleigh’s just echoing all the shit that Chuck was thinking.
Except now, Chuck’s determined. He’s determined not to fuck it up, to let down the mental walls and actually let the idiot in because Chuck is not a failure. Chuck doesn’t screw up, he gets things right and he gets the job done.
So he’s there, waiting in Gipsy’s pod in his Striker armor, helmet clutched under his arm, posture stiff but expression determined.
They’re trying again, come hell or high water.
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[Just as they reach the loading hatch, The Marshal stops by the Door and Raleigh is right at his heels like an angry dog.]
Don't ever presume to know what I think, Ranger.
[It's harsh. It has to be to put Raleigh back in his place. They're doing this for a reason and he just has to deal with it. Chuck showed up, that means he's willing. Just do your job.
There's another brief attempt at interchange but Raleigh backs down (is shut down with a single look more like) and stomps into the Conn-pod, not even looking at Chuck as he gets into the right-hand mount.]
If you're gonna block me out again at least have the courtesy to warn me, first.
[He's half temped to lash out himself, this time, but screwing the connection is only going to backlash through their heads and putting two pilots from different jaegers out of commission because they're pissed at the authority is a stupid move.]
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Raleigh, who isn't looking at him at all.
Understandable. ]
Not gonna.
[ No. Chuck can be better than Raleigh, he can do this, show them it's a waste of time without Chuck acting like a preteen asshole.
He'll still come out on top. ]