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[ A year and a half has passed since Yancy fell down the stairs and confessed to Raleigh that no, he wasn't a klutz but instead the bond had hit him like a sack of bricks, right in the face.

And Yancy hasn't really been doing that well. He acts weird 90% of the time and the other 10% he's snappy and Raleigh doesn't have time for that. He's got school, he's halfway to seventeen, he's trying to at least pass English and as worried as he is about his brother he has to worry about him, too.

Which is...insanely selfish, he knows.

But he's also 16 and a little shit.

At any rate, he still hangs with his friends and smokes a little weed and trades sneaky kisses under the bleachers by the football field.

It's late when he's coming home tonight though, after midnight and he's sneaking in and pouncing Yancy in his bed. ]

Yance, wake up.

[gipsyheartbreak]

[It's been year and a half since Yancy would barely save face after falling down those stairs. A year and a half Yancy's been dealing with his one-sided bond and the maddening emotions with it, of constantly sharing his headspace with someone he's meant to be with and love.

It's even more maddening when it's with your almost 17 year old little brother. A year and a half Yancy Becket has been head over heels for the brat and every day he's smitten just a little more. That's why he's weird—he hasn't told Raleigh about who his bond is with.

So maybe it's his fault when he gets snappy, when his heart gets torn in two when he feel Raleigh get excited for someone else. Because he's hyper focused on the kid; he can't help it. Of course because they haven't bonded together all Yancy gets is Raleighs emotions, but after a year and a half he knows those emotions damn well.

So when he starts feeling Raleigh having fun with his friends one weekend, Yancy turns in early for he night. Sleep is his only retreat from this craziness that's found him, and bouncy blonds lopping into his bed half past midnight doesn't help that at all.

Yancy groans, curling up instinctively when he's pounced.] I am—what.

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[ Raleigh flops dramatically on him, lays there a moment before straddling him and giving Yancy's shoulders a little shake. Bothering his brother in the dead of night isn't even something that's a second thought - it's just second nature. So is straddling and being annoying as hell. ]

Wake up. Guess what.

[ He's still riding high from the night and maybe a little bit drunk. Or high. Or both. ]

[gipsyheartbreak]

[He hasn't really slept. It's a little difficult to when he suspects what his kid brother's doing and especially when he knows what he's feeling.

So Yancy's very much alert, can smell the alcohol and weed on him, and he tenses and stills when Raleigh straddles him.

Suddenly his keenness on the younger is hyper focused and that extended contact isn't doing him any favors. Already Yancy's two seconds from losing it and this is just starting.]

I am awake. [He huffs tiredly.] And I'm not guessing what's up, so spit it out.

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Cmooooon.

[ He bounces playfully, eyes bright and shiny.

He decides waiting is taking too long though and he leans in close to whisper; ]

I got laaaaaaid.

[gipsyheartbreak]

[The confirmation hurts. It unfortunately doesn't take away from the bouncing and Yancy feels like a little something inside of him died.

But that doesn't matter—he wanted Raleigh to be normal. This was normal.

He lets out a tried, somehow cheerful laugh and forces what he hopes is a convincing grin as he grabs hold one of Raleigh's shoulders and shakes it gently.]

Congrats, kid; that's great.

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That's like, monumental right?

[ He's had enough pot and booze to blur his vision, so he doesn't notice that Yancy's grin is forced and that his laugh might not be genuine. ]

Didn't bond, but--

[ he griiiiins. ]

Was a lotta fun trying.

[gipsyheartbreak]

Monumen— [It's spoken out of surprise and a little bit of jealously but he saves face with a quiet chuckle and:] Totally, yeah.

[And for all the agony he feels, "Didn't bond" lifts a crazy amount of weight off his chest. Just not enough.]

Yeah, sex is pretty great like that. [His hand moves and pats Raleigh on the cheek.]

Did a little more than that too, didn't you? [He's not scolding or angry but talking about illegal recreational drug use and underage drinking is easier than talking about whoever the hell he just fucked. ]

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Better than great.

[ Amazing, actually.

But Yancy's words drag his attention and he grins, a blush crawling up from his neck to his cheeks. ]

Might've.

[gipsyheartbreak]

It'll, uh. It'll get better, trust me.

[Until the kid gets his bond with someone and then any orgasm without that bondmate, solo or otherwise, is absolute shit.

That flush on Raleigh though gets Yancy's lips to curl more genuinely, his laughter brighter, and that hand slips back to squeeze the younger's nape.]

Uh-huh. You still flying? Getting tired any?

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Little tired.

[ Really tired. He'd been dropped off and stumbled in with more energy than he has now. ]

Don't tell mom.

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Not a word, kid, I promise.

[Yancy's had his fun before too. He was a little sneakier about it but he just wants to make sure Raleigh's okay.]

Think you can change on your own? I want to get some water in you before you drift off.

[It's not a magical hangover cure but he found it dramatically cuts the chances back of not dying in the morning.]

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Thanks.

[ Yancy you are the best brother and this is why Raleigh feels comfortable coming in here and crawling in your bed.

Except getting up ain't happening. He's gonna just slide off of Yancy and sprawl beside him with a little whine. ]

I'm good like this.

[gipsyheartbreak]

[For a time after that night the pair decide to ever so wisely blow each other (and cuddle after), Yancy's okay. Actually, legitimately, 100 percent okay. For days that nearly add up to a week and feel like forever, the eldest Becket breathes easy and doesn't even feel like he's carrying the world on his shoulders.

Things are so good, even, that he gets a job at a local pet shop where he gets to play with puppies and kittens, rabbits and birds and other weird pets and gets paid for it. He feels on top of the world again and it shows, especially around the house. For about the next month.

Slowly, creepily, that special breed of ache starts crawling into Yancy again. His smiles don't beam, his voice isn't as cheer, his step doesn't have a bounce. It takes time, and he goes from helping around the house to barely helping at all, though not from lack of want but from lethargy. Once lively stormy blues lose their shine and mirth, become sleepier, and the bags under them return.

When he isn't at work or sluggishly doing chores, Yancy's lounging, half-sleeping in a chair or bundled up in his bed. He feels terrible most of the time, or he would anyway, for being as distant as he is but being alone... is easier. Even if it still feels like he'll explode regardless of his loneliness. It's easier then, he thinks, on everyone else.

It's a hell of a way to deal with his bond, Yancy realizes bitterly, pushing his face into his pillow and pulling the covers around him like a cocoon, fresh from a long shower that's left him feeling more like jelly than anything (which is good, better than needing anything heavy right off the bat anyway).]

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[ He's really fucking glad that Yancy seems to be doing better. For a while, at least. Because he'd been acting so weird before, so hollow and it was freaking Raleigh out and on more than one occasion Raleigh had been known to say he hoped he never bonded because this shit is fucked up and terrifying.

But it starts again and Yancy is full of it if he thinks his little brother doesn't notice the way he stays in bed when he can. Raleigh sees it. He sees the lethargy, the lack of energy, the depression sweeping back in like an oncoming storm. And he doesn't know what to do. He feels helpless and that's a horrible feeling, when you're powerless to help your own family.

He knows that Yancy pops pills but what can you say? If they help, then who is he to deny? Except that Raleigh knows Yancy overuses and it scares him. It scares him so much because what if he overdoes it? What if Raleigh comes home and finds his older brother dead in a pool of his own vomit? So maybe when Raleigh finds the most recent bottle...he hides it in the dumpster, at the bottom.

After he washes his hands he comes into Yancy's room and leans on the door, frustrated and worried and conflicted. ]

Yance...

[gipsyheartbreak]

[Most days Yancy's thankful for the pills. Negatives aside—like his increased lack of energy and steadily growing dependency—it's great for handling this awful emotional shit that's been plaguing him since he was 18. When he's on it the caps suppress everything; make him calmer and less anxious. Better yet, when he needs to, Yancy can function outside the house like a real human being.

And he's dumb as hell for thinking he can quit anytime but keep knocking back two tablets at a time. Still, it takes his awareness on the bond to his brother so low, so unfocused, Yancy doesn't even feel the kid coming to see his sleepy ass until Raleigh's in his room talking to him.

Though then it's a double edged sword—he can feel Raleigh like he hadn't been able to before and it hits him like a ton of bricks. The bond kicks into gear, feeding off his brother's conflicted state and makes his insides twist giving him the distinct feeling he could hurl if he moved wrong. Usually when he's hanging around his brother it isn't this bad, but then again he's more drugged up.

He swallows thickly, running a hand over the imagined clammy state of his face.] Yeah, kiddo— [Yancy even sounds sick.] What's up?

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You're high.

[ Blunt. Angry. Scared. Raleigh doesn't know what to do anymore. He can o my throw away so many bottles. Yancy just finds ways to get more. ]

Why? Is it the bond again?

[ He's fidgeting in the door. He's older now, there's scruff im his face and his voice has deepened into something that sounds like pure sex rubbed over gravel. ]

Talk to me, dude.

[gipsyheartbreak]

Shh—! [The hush hisses out of Yancy, more out of worry than anger, as he sharply moves to look over his shoulder to his brother.] Get in here, close the door. [He literally has no idea who's home and where they are; if they could even hear Raleigh, but he doesn't want to chance it.]

And I'm not... high. [He corrects, pushing himself off his elbows to slouch against the headboard.] ....Not right now. Kind of wish I was. [Sighing, Yancy rubs his hands over his face, trying not to look at Raleigh's face.]

Yeah, it's the bond. [He admits in a frustrated tone not exactly aimed at Raleigh for asking but for the topic in general.] It's always the bond—when isn't it the bond? [Hands shrug wildly before falling promptly to the bed.] You really want to hear more about this? I thought you hated it.

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[ He makes a face but does as he's told, sliding in and shutting it behind him with a sigh.

And maybe it would be better if he ratted Yancy out. Maybe then he could get help, get...fuck, he doesn't know. Something, because this isn't good. It's just getting worse and worse and he doesn't know what to do.

But deep down, Raleigh knows he won't tell on his brother. It's like some unspoken code. ]

I do hate it, but that's because of what it's doing to you.

[gipsyheartbreak]

Yeah, me too. [Yancy sighs dramatically, rubbing a hand over his face. It takes him a few long, tension filled (on Yancy's end, at least) seconds before he cuts to the chase.] I feel too much, alright? My shit, my unbonded's shit, it's all in my head just bouncing around, going nowhere and I— [Shaking his head, the elder Becket wets his lips as he breathes in.]

Those pills? [Finally looking to his brother, Yancy smiles something small and sad, the short and bitter laugh reflecting all the months of hardship he's been put through.] I don't feel a thing on them. [He knows how fucked up it sounds but the relief isn't something he can properly put into words.]

I know you don't like meds but... they don't let me feel jealous. Or angry, or needy. [Just the idea of not being those things cuts into Yancy's tone, has him sounding unwound.] I don't feel crazy. And it feels so good, Raleigh. It's nice.

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I don't like 'em at all.

[ Not one little bit. His expression is tight and pained and sad, he's so fucking scared. This isn't right. How the fuck is this right? How the hell is this even fair?! What kind of fucked up system is this?

He makes a noise and comes closer, moving to sit on the edge of Yancy's bed, pinching the bridge of his nose. ]

But it's just...it's gonna fuck you up.

[gipsyheartbreak]

[The huffing, half laughter is resigned in its tone. He knows you don't like them, knows it makes you worried, but there's little he can actually do about that, or his need to take them at this point.

Lolling his head to the side when Raleigh takes a seat, he tries not to stare too much, to not focus on the anxiety flooding into him from the younger. Yet it's quickly making him edgy and Yancy shifts in his spot, carding fingers up through the hair on the back of his head.]

I'm fucked either way, [He sighs, the noise heavy.] Feeling everything or nothing are my options and... [When he trails it leads to a small shake of his head.] I'll... try to cut back, how's that sound?

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[ Ngh. He chews on his lower lip, and sighs, running a hand through his hair. ]

I guess...that's better. I dunno. I hate all of this.

[gipsyheartbreak]

[No, you stop that this instant Raleigh; no lip chewing allowed. It's bad enough your voice matured basically overnight but he can't subject himself to something he can't touch. Anymore.]

I know. Me too, kiddo. [He just hopes when Raleigh gets his bond with whoever, he doesn't have to wait nearly as long as he has. Hell, maybe it'll stop making his brother all twisted up. Maybe he can get him to stop worrying for a little bit right now.]

Hey—you wanna know something? [Yancy asks with a sigh, his head resting back against the wall.] You, uh, remember..... how I said my bondmate doesn't know me?

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[ He shifts and looks up, letting a tired gaze fall on his brother. This is exhausting for everyone. Frustrating too, because it's something out of Raleigh's hands. It's stuff he can't control and that drives him utterly out of his mind. ]

I remember.